Monday, 8 July 2013

An ocean of knowledge of an inch deep

I've been meaning to post about passion, and how I don't have any deep, abiding passion for anything. This didn't happen for a while for precisely that reason - if I don't feel like blogging, I don't blog. I often don't feel like blogging and I don't have the discipline to make myself blog anyway (especially not when blogging is meant to be enjoyable); trying to have the discipline to work hard at four jobs (or, you know, wake up in time to not be late for them) takes up most of my capacity for discipline.

However, I just joined Lookbook, mostly because I like the descriptions of the different people on there in the space they put under occupation. Aspiring photographer, rogue and native fox are some examples. This caught my attention, and since I generally follow my whims, I joined as well. Someone had titled a look 'Galactic Warrior' which I wanted to use as my description, but decided against as I am neither a warrior or particularly galactic (it'd be pretty cool to have a space look though - I was just watching a sci-fi themed episode of Castle which made me wistful for sci-fi, comics and cosplay). Instead, I figured that jack-of-all-trades was probably a better description of me. I leave you to work out why.

Galactic Warrior
Instead of just writing jack-of-all-trades I decided to see if there were any other terms that mean the same. Not really in English, but of course other languages have terms to mean the same thing. In Spanish there is apparently the term "Un océano de conocimiento de una pulgada de profundidad" which, according to Wikipedia, means "an ocean of knowledge of an inch deep". Although I think going so far as to call myself an ocean, which to my mind still conveys an impressive amount of knowledge, is a little presumptuous, I often don't feel very deep. I'm deep in terms of introspection (my mentor calls me a navel gazer), but if you ask me what I'm passionate about, what gets my blood boiling and my fingers tingling and my reply will usually be "ummmmm". Another one of the phrases was Tamil: பல தொழில் கற்றவன் ஒரு தொழிலும் செய்யான் ("A man who knew so many businesses but thinks for ever to choose which one to master"): this pretty much sums me up. There are so many great things out there to do, both in terms of service to others and interest, so how should I know which one to choose?

I don't know how common it is to be like this. Often teenagers tend to jump from thing to thing during high school, which I think is normal. Most people I know have some kind of direction at the least, though. Like "I'd like to work with children" or "I really want to be married and have two kids and a dog" or "I want to be a doctor of some kind". Generally the strongest direction I can get is "well, I guess I'd like to be alive". And that's not always a constant. Are there many other people like that? I know there are probably some, but I always get the feeling it's not the norm.

If I sound like I'm complaining, I'm trying not to. It's a part of me that I'm learning to accept and trying to not be so hard on myself if I lose interest in things. It's also something I cannot afford to let run rampant, however, because it can cost me money, reputation and friendships. Being fickle can hurt people and that's something I really don't want.

This post is getting long, so I think I'll do a part two and show you all some of the things I've taken up as hobbies or considered studying/getting a career in. Perhaps I'm destined to find my passion through the process of elimination haha.

2 comments:

  1. I can so, so relate to this post. I've often felt like I never really "graduated" emotionally from school when you're "supposed" to be working out what you want to do with your life. I mean, of course I'm passionate about my marriage and my family and faith, and sometimes I can feel passionate about a *cause*, but personal interest-wise? I got nothing. And you know... I've decided there isn't anything wrong with that. It can make me feel abnormal when people think I'm just obfuscating when I say I don't have any long-term hobbies or any career goals, but then I think, "But am I unhappy because of it?" When the answer to that question becomes "Yes," then I will probably also start in on a deeper process of elimination :-) (though I feel like I've previously eliminated so much already that it gets discouraging...!).

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    1. Yay, kindred spirits :) I find the answer to "am I unhappy because of it?" is often "yes" for me, but I'm not sure if that's because I am actually unhappy or because I'm told that being how I am is not ok. I'm ok with it as far as personal interests go because now I pay for my own activities my mum doesn't get on my case, but my future is one giant blank to me (at least you have a marriage to work on lol) which can be scary. But it's great having someone who knows how you feel!

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