Thursday, 25 July 2013

Dead wood (OOTD)

I've been trying to blog more recently, even if it's just little posts, just because I'm trying to get away from the idea that I have to make my blog look like anyone else's or make it "successful" in any way. What I really want to do is just enjoy my blog and continue writing it until I don't think there's a reason to any more. Unfortunately, the school holidays came and I've spent the last two weeks trying to manage my depression so I don't get suicidal, as I tend to do when on holidays. I have a massive guilt complex (about pretty much everything) and if I'm not constantly busy, my guilt takes over and I spend a lot of time feeling miserable about how bad a person I am and then more miserable because I'm too sad to do anything to make me less of a bad person/feel better.

I am not attempting to set up some kind of sob story (I do enough of that to my family) but it's important to me to be open about my troubles because too few people are, and so we all feel alone because we don't know of anyone else who is struggling. I think people especially get blogger-envy, because big-name bloggers seem to have such perfect lives and perfect appearances. I'm not silly enough to think that I am or ever will be a big-name blogger, but being open always has and always will be a part of how I do everything.

Anyway, although I spent the majority of this holiday in a funk, I also managed to actually do some things. I played paintball, as I said in a previous post; I made apple pie and apple tart thingies; I made leek and potato soup (first time ever and it was delicious); I crocheted a lot (am making a scarf) and I managed to take a few outfit photos. Visit my Tumblr to see some evidence of my various domestic attempts.

The trees I am facing are alive, but the light was wrong there so I had to take photos in front of the dead ones :(

Tiny little cart we used to play with when we were kids. This is a back corner of our block, hidden in trees. Funny where old toys end up.

I would really like a camera that allows me to focus on something and blur the background (whatever that is called), but cameras like that cost a fair bit of money and I am not a keen enough photographer to warrant spending the money. So I make do with a broken Samsung ES65 (broken by me dropping it into a river) and try to find more artistic ways to take my photos so that maybe one day I will have a real reason to get a fancier camera. So far my tripod has been a justified purchase, so I have hope.

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